Good Question!
I never thought for one minute I would be here now, writing this out.
I began life going to a strict New England church…with strict parents and a really bad upbringing. The public image and the private image of my family were totally opposite from each other and as I grew older, I realized things were horribly wrong. Really wrong. We moved often and the chance to really make friends was never really there. We’d just move on to the next town. So support systems weren’t really available.
We were well enough off in terms of money, but the emotional turmoil wrecked me as a person, and I was left with no self esteem. Bad teaching, from the churches I remember, wasn’t much more than “You’re a worthless sinner, and you’re so lucky God loves you” that was my perception. So why bother? God hates me, I’ll never be good enough, and that’s that. At that time, I saw the people there, some of who I liked VERY much, oblivious to my situation.
So I began to search. I read about many religions and thought I had found a home in a New Age community that did give me peace for a while. I liked the meditations and the camaraderie. I liked the books, and the empowering, supportive atmosphere.
Things improved a little, but then things began to get very dark after a couple of years. I was doing whatever I thought would give me power to influence the problems in my life. Why not, the knowledge was made available. Then little by little, things began to slide. I noticed my dreams became worse and turned into nightmares with increasing frequency. I was a strong visionary, and I saw these horrific dreams were getting stronger, waking up with night sweats, feeling terrorized, and even seeing the leftovers of dreams around my room when I’d wake up…fully awake. I would try to clear it out with the “new age” remedies….sage, blessing the area, magic candles, kosher salt, you name it. It would work for a very short while and then return.
Talk about the wrong side of the supernatural realm in spades. I’m surprised I wasn’t driven insane.
A friend who I did tarot readings ( I did that too) with invited me to a ceremony with a group that she was involved with. Now I knew her, and I said, “…you’re not sacrificing chickens or anything are you?” She said that it was nothing of the kind, and I agreed to meet her.
Oh boy. The mistakes get bigger. I went. I was greeted at the door of a house by a woman in traditional garb who asked me a personal question or two and was asked to remove my shoes and head upstairs to a room that was full of people chanting. Two men were leading the group. I noticed how very clean the room was and thought how strange it was that for the cleanliness of the room, how odd it was that a dirty cardboard box tied with string was sitting in the corner. One of the men grabbed the box and out it comes….the chicken. Yep. It was alive and then it was dead. One woman who was also there for apparently the first time let out a yelp and began to cry. She and here husband left immediately. I wish I’d had the brains to do the same. I was then sent into the room by myself to converse with whatever it was they called up. I actually felt calm and sort of okay. I left feeling very off center.
I will never know why I went back, but I did. This time I didn’t see any sacrifice take place and I was soon to find out why. I was sent into the room again and I was looking around, feeling angry, though I couldn’t put my finger on why. My friend had told me that this particular “god” was a god who would help me get revenge. I was having an awful time at a new job that I desperately wanted to work out. Rarely have I ever seen such back stabbing and cruelty in a place of work. That I would even consider such a thing describes how far out my mind set had gotten.
Back to the room. A display, an altar I guess was arranged in that same little room from the earlier visit. I looked at it and suddenly I saw it. A chill went through me that was so intense I can barely describe it. Sheer horror and the sight of half a head of a goat in a bowl of blood. I frantically looked around…. and realized I was by myself. But I knew that I was not. I felt a powerful heaviness come over me like a hundred wool blankets. I felt like I was being pushed down. Then a presence stood before me. I couldn’t see it but I knew it was there. I knew it was real, and I knew it was evil.
I addressed it. I told it I knew (I won’t call it him as it doesn’t deserve the privilege) that it was there and I told it I knew it could do what it was reputed to do, and that it would if I asked. But then I thought about the people who treated me so badly without knowing me. Believing lies from the boss and others, even wishing me dead. Yes, they were that bad. But I knew that something awful could happen. And I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So I said, “you will not touch them or harm them in any way.” I called for Archangel Michael and his legions of light….which I was taught in New Age and DO NOT recommend. I told the thing that the same God that made me made it too. ( in a pinch have you noticed we all call on God?) I felt angelic protection around me and I felt the thing fold his arms across his front. I left and never went back. The damage was done.
I had never been so tortured with ghostly (demonic) occurrences. Things were touching me in my sleep and my whole body would tingle. I was afraid all the time, I barely slept, and slept with the lights on, though it didn’t matter much.
I went on that way for a while trying everything I could, the so-called magical remedies, no effect. Water blessed by a Catholic priest who asked no questions. It seemed to help a tiny bit.
An interesting change began, a little crack in the door. I found a New Age book that was quoting scripture, and I realized the more I read, that she was actually using words in the Bible. I still had the Bible I had received when I was 12 and I corroborated the verses. Sure enough. Interesting.
Then I went to a Christmas meditation run by another friend. She would play music and we’d follow along with her guiding voice. Except this time, I broke off and decided I just wanted to be far away. I was drifting off in my mind’s eye and thought how nice it would be to be at a Christmas Eve service…they’re were always so pretty and comforting. I found in my mind’s eye that I was in a stone church. People were singing and the church was hung with red banners. In the center up front, an the altar was a smallish box that was opened and there were red ribbons flowing out of it, as if on a wind. There were angels there, and I asked one what the was on the altar. He told me they were the praises of God. I was just mesmerized by this beautiful vision. I looked around the church and noticed stone angels which were part of the masonry. They broke off the walls and began to fly around in circles around the sanctuary until the church began to come apart. The windows disappeared and I saw stars and pulling out, I saw a galaxy, swirling and a voice came out….”I AM THAT I AM, I AM THAT I AM….”. And it repeated until I came to.
Well, needless to say, I was done with the new age. To me that was proof enough. I never went back to any of the meditations or darkness. That was the beginning.
As so often happens, I still was without any guidance. I didn’t know what to do. I still wasn’t thrilled with going to a church. Since my work was freelance, I was often home, and when the morning new would stop, I would turn to the 700 Club, which broadcasts news from a Christian perspective. I would let it run as I would work around my apartment and eventually I was learning more and more about Jesus, and God and the Holy Spirit.
And guess what!!! HE LOVES US! He REALLY , REALLY LOVES us!!!! How could I have no idea? He even died for me so that I wouldn’t die and endure hell! He sacrificed himself and took my damnation instead of me because because he cares for me and he LOVES me!!!! Haa, haaaaaa!!!!
And because he is the Son of God and the Son of Man, he was the only person who human history who is qualified to take this action for us.
So how can someone like this not grow on you? I had more thing to do. In just about every show, people are asked if they’d like to be part of the family of God. I finally did it. After watching Gordon Roberts teachings on the 700 Club, I finally prayed. I asked Jesus to come into my life! I asked Him to forgive me all my sins…and they are so many, and to PLEASE come into my life. I repented of my sinful lifestyle, and I asked Him to to please also be my Lord, my God, my Savior. And I know and confess that he died on the cross for me, for ALL of my sins. That he died, went to hell (Acts 2: 31AMP He [King David in Psalm 16:10]spoke of the resurrection of Christ that He was not deserted and left in Hades, nor did his body know decay or see destruction) and rose again and is alive! And I thanked Him profusely. I felt as if a thousand stones had been taken off of me. I felt relief and peace for the first time in my life!
The horrible ghostly visitations stopped and on the very rare occasion they would make a reappearance, I would just tell them to get lost in the name of Jesus Christ they did, immediately.
I learned that Because (Phil 2: 9-11AMP) Jesus obeyed God and went to the cross for us God has highly exalted him and freely bestowed on Him the name that is above every name. That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow and every , in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess and acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
And that’s how I came to believe in Jesus.
blessedartthou 